final stretch

well the final stretch is upon us and although I have had a few weeks where things didn't go exactly as planned-I am still 36 lbs, 8 inches in waist, 10 inches in hips and 3.5 sizes smaller than when I started so no matter what the results in a couple of weeks, I have achieved a lot and when it comes down to it- I just FEEL better. I love trying on a pair of pants that I bought on sale cause they were cute (but two or three sizes too small) and have them be too big! It has cleaned out my closet and I am down to just about nothing to wear-but I will take that problem from the smaller size any day!
It's funny how we immediately get rid of our fat clothes-but we always hold onto our skinny clothes! This is great-I don't even have any clothes that are the size I am getting in to!
Other than just the outside-which I am NOT minimizing-it is VERY important-anyone who says it isn't important at all is lying!
I just feel better inside-physically and psychologically. Even when I do have something like a three-day weekend that is centered around eating, I don't feel quite as bad-knowing I am not going to gorge and also knowing even if I do eat more than I should (which I am much more aware of now) I have a system to get myself back on path and it is easy to do that-
ramblings after a great Memorial Day weekend with family and friends-and plenty of BBQ!

IN AND OUT OF A NEW SIZE

I never thought a "diet" would do me any good-will power is just not my thing when it comes to good food. Food is the center of a number of things we do-celebrate everything from birth to death...I just happen to like food-not like I gorge or anything, you just don't realize how many calories and how much fat you consume while you are having happy hour and hanging out with friends. You have to have chips n salsa with your mojito don't you know, and then you might as well have some queso and guacamole to go with that, right?! Low Carb has never been a good idea for me-or so i thought..I figured it was just a way to set myself up for failure.
Something happened today-I went to go put o a pair of slacks and couldn't find a pair to fit! that's how long it's been since I have beeen at this size-everything is too big :) I jumped on the dea of a nice suit-after all a year ago a got a number of them too small on purpose so that "someday" I would be able to wear them-THEY ARE TOO BIG!
so now I am actually wearing a decent size but don't have a thing to wear-LOL
I started down this path as an experiment, to check out a product I didn't know or necessarily think wold work as good as the claim.....pretty hard to lok at al the clothes o the floor and not believe this thing works :)

time to exercise???

The thought of exercising makes me tired :) although I always feel better once I leave the gym...it's the getting there that's the hard part! PLUS, MOST GYMS ARE FULL OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T LOOK LIKE THEY NEED T BE THERE. I guess that's the whole point of it-if you go on a regular basis-that's what will happen to your body. Eating better is only half of it. So....it's time to get serious and find a place to work out. I would really rather take my bike to the lake and ride, but I know that I need more than that. Besides, there's only 6 weeks left in the contest and I intend to win! I guess it's more than just that-although I do have a very competitive streak in me :) I really do feel so much better-but when I think of how great I will look and feel 6 weeks from now I get pretty excited about it. It's been a long time since I could actually feel comfortable wearing form fitting clothes. Why is it that when we gain weight we wear clothes that are even bigger? For one thing, it makes us look even BIGGER and another, we end up fitting into those clothes cause there's room to grow-talk about self-defeating behavior!!!!! There's an article coming out next week about the weight-loss clinic and Dr. Casad (the medical director) that interviewed me-they put the day 1 photo and the day 45 photo-OG did I realy look like that 2 months ago???? UGH. Oh well, I don't look like that now :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

25 down-25 to go!

The smell of fresh pizza slowly fills the room with a wonderful sensation of goodness. My stomach revolts and my legs are leading me to the kitchen-but I CAN"T DO IT! I have come this far and I already ate mexican food yesterday :(. It never really seems worth it after I'm done.....Tomorrow I am going to put myself back on day 1 of the program. My BFF is starting the program and I have slacked off somewhat, so this will be a great time to jump start myself again. Plus, I am going to go back to the gym Y E A H!!! Funy how it takes so long to get in the habit of something good like the gym and only a few days to break it! Of course I want to win the contest so Brandy will have to dress up and we can all laugh and have fun at her silly expense (sorry brandy), but I also love the feeling of piling up a load of jeans and slacks to give away cause they are too big for me now! Oh yeah, there's the whole health thing-but honestly, that isnt what makes me do this day after day-I want to look good and in doing so-I feel good. I know I will be happy about being healthier-but right now I am just not there yet-I am in the superficial arena and I' OK with that-if that's what it takes for me to be healthier-so be it!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

week 8 and pic

well now that I am officially half way there I keep thinking about those two weeks when I either didn't lose a pound or gained a pound- I put myself two weeks behind where I wanted to be... and then I stop to think about the fact that I have lost 25 pounds! that's 6 inches off my waist and 8 pounds of junk out of the trunk! Guess I feel a whole lot better now than when I was thinking of those two lost weeks. I'm actually surprised I have managed this far anyway.....
lots of stress going on right now-my own stress and the friends with marital problems, health problems, business problems... and when I am driving in my car I can't help but let my thoughts drift to my dear friend Denise and how unfair it is that she didn't get to stick around this earth to see her kids finish growing up or take one more photo or time to laugh one more time about our crazy trip to Mexico....
I can't help shed the tears alone in my car. tears of anger and hurt and fear. tears of loss and lost opportunities. I want to hold even closer to the things in my life: the people who have made their way along my path at some point and at the same time fear the loss of them. I mourn. I mourn for the family of my friend. I mourn for the part of me that is so full of grief I have a hard time breathing some days. I mourn for the heart that seeks answers to so many questions.....
and I take one more step, one more breath....

tucked my shirt in!

today i tucked my shirt in my jeans for the first time in 6 yrs! woohoo. it's the little things that make a difference-that and getting rid of a whole stack of pants that are now TOO BIG!
great new snack/meal idea: take lettuce and roll up a thin deli slice of ham and a 1/2 a string cheese-this is so good and you can have four as a meal-although two are filling enough. add a little relish for some zang!

week 6

well i essentially stayed the same-actually i gained some last week and lost it this week so i thought i was down 24 lbs but i was actually down 20-so oh well. i did cheat a bit and the stress of denise dying took a toll on me this past week. but she made sure to encourage me everyday-the same way she did 15 yrs ago when i first started college-so this week's for her. i will be back on track and now have more reason than ever to do all i can to take care of myself. life stills throws us curves but i don't want to accelerate anything that i may be able to prevent.
seeing her kids at the chapel was hard-not only for their sorrow but for all the years in between that we all lost. no more putting off until tomorrow.
take time to go have lunch with a friend. no matter how tired you are-or how bad your day has been-it's important to take today and get everything out of it that you can. we are not promised tomorrow.

week 6 comng up

I am going to put myself back on the week 1 track to accelerate my progress I have gotten a little slack lately and need to install some serious discipline. Wish me luck. Been a rough week emotionally and its easy to let things become an excuse for slacking off................I have found some new recipes that should help-deli meat gets old after a while. The turkey pepperoni trick is a big help! thanks to all for your support.