week 8 and pic

well now that I am officially half way there I keep thinking about those two weeks when I either didn't lose a pound or gained a pound- I put myself two weeks behind where I wanted to be... and then I stop to think about the fact that I have lost 25 pounds! that's 6 inches off my waist and 8 pounds of junk out of the trunk! Guess I feel a whole lot better now than when I was thinking of those two lost weeks. I'm actually surprised I have managed this far anyway.....
lots of stress going on right now-my own stress and the friends with marital problems, health problems, business problems... and when I am driving in my car I can't help but let my thoughts drift to my dear friend Denise and how unfair it is that she didn't get to stick around this earth to see her kids finish growing up or take one more photo or time to laugh one more time about our crazy trip to Mexico....
I can't help shed the tears alone in my car. tears of anger and hurt and fear. tears of loss and lost opportunities. I want to hold even closer to the things in my life: the people who have made their way along my path at some point and at the same time fear the loss of them. I mourn. I mourn for the family of my friend. I mourn for the part of me that is so full of grief I have a hard time breathing some days. I mourn for the heart that seeks answers to so many questions.....
and I take one more step, one more breath....

week 6

well i essentially stayed the same-actually i gained some last week and lost it this week so i thought i was down 24 lbs but i was actually down 20-so oh well. i did cheat a bit and the stress of denise dying took a toll on me this past week. but she made sure to encourage me everyday-the same way she did 15 yrs ago when i first started college-so this week's for her. i will be back on track and now have more reason than ever to do all i can to take care of myself. life stills throws us curves but i don't want to accelerate anything that i may be able to prevent.
seeing her kids at the chapel was hard-not only for their sorrow but for all the years in between that we all lost. no more putting off until tomorrow.
take time to go have lunch with a friend. no matter how tired you are-or how bad your day has been-it's important to take today and get everything out of it that you can. we are not promised tomorrow.

Denise Moore Stokes

quite possibly the best friend I ever had died last night. makes everything else seem so small and irrelevant. makes my health seem all that more important. but sometimes even that isn't enough.
i don't have any doubt that Denise is, for the first time in over 20 yrs, in absolutely no pain. the pain is with us that are left to think about her not being here with us.
we hadn't talked in almost ten years. time and work and every other excuse just got in the way. what a lame excuse.....
so now i sit here thinking about the fact that i was supposed to go see her yesterday and i didn't.