IN AND OUT OF A NEW SIZE

I never thought a "diet" would do me any good-will power is just not my thing when it comes to good food. Food is the center of a number of things we do-celebrate everything from birth to death...I just happen to like food-not like I gorge or anything, you just don't realize how many calories and how much fat you consume while you are having happy hour and hanging out with friends. You have to have chips n salsa with your mojito don't you know, and then you might as well have some queso and guacamole to go with that, right?! Low Carb has never been a good idea for me-or so i thought..I figured it was just a way to set myself up for failure.
Something happened today-I went to go put o a pair of slacks and couldn't find a pair to fit! that's how long it's been since I have beeen at this size-everything is too big :) I jumped on the dea of a nice suit-after all a year ago a got a number of them too small on purpose so that "someday" I would be able to wear them-THEY ARE TOO BIG!
so now I am actually wearing a decent size but don't have a thing to wear-LOL
I started down this path as an experiment, to check out a product I didn't know or necessarily think wold work as good as the claim.....pretty hard to lok at al the clothes o the floor and not believe this thing works :)

25 down-25 to go!

The smell of fresh pizza slowly fills the room with a wonderful sensation of goodness. My stomach revolts and my legs are leading me to the kitchen-but I CAN"T DO IT! I have come this far and I already ate mexican food yesterday :(. It never really seems worth it after I'm done.....Tomorrow I am going to put myself back on day 1 of the program. My BFF is starting the program and I have slacked off somewhat, so this will be a great time to jump start myself again. Plus, I am going to go back to the gym Y E A H!!! Funy how it takes so long to get in the habit of something good like the gym and only a few days to break it! Of course I want to win the contest so Brandy will have to dress up and we can all laugh and have fun at her silly expense (sorry brandy), but I also love the feeling of piling up a load of jeans and slacks to give away cause they are too big for me now! Oh yeah, there's the whole health thing-but honestly, that isnt what makes me do this day after day-I want to look good and in doing so-I feel good. I know I will be happy about being healthier-but right now I am just not there yet-I am in the superficial arena and I' OK with that-if that's what it takes for me to be healthier-so be it!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

week 8 and pic

well now that I am officially half way there I keep thinking about those two weeks when I either didn't lose a pound or gained a pound- I put myself two weeks behind where I wanted to be... and then I stop to think about the fact that I have lost 25 pounds! that's 6 inches off my waist and 8 pounds of junk out of the trunk! Guess I feel a whole lot better now than when I was thinking of those two lost weeks. I'm actually surprised I have managed this far anyway.....
lots of stress going on right now-my own stress and the friends with marital problems, health problems, business problems... and when I am driving in my car I can't help but let my thoughts drift to my dear friend Denise and how unfair it is that she didn't get to stick around this earth to see her kids finish growing up or take one more photo or time to laugh one more time about our crazy trip to Mexico....
I can't help shed the tears alone in my car. tears of anger and hurt and fear. tears of loss and lost opportunities. I want to hold even closer to the things in my life: the people who have made their way along my path at some point and at the same time fear the loss of them. I mourn. I mourn for the family of my friend. I mourn for the part of me that is so full of grief I have a hard time breathing some days. I mourn for the heart that seeks answers to so many questions.....
and I take one more step, one more breath....

tucked my shirt in!

today i tucked my shirt in my jeans for the first time in 6 yrs! woohoo. it's the little things that make a difference-that and getting rid of a whole stack of pants that are now TOO BIG!
great new snack/meal idea: take lettuce and roll up a thin deli slice of ham and a 1/2 a string cheese-this is so good and you can have four as a meal-although two are filling enough. add a little relish for some zang!

DAY 6

woke up in a sweat thinking i was buried in a field of spinach....woke up and discovered that i wasn't which was actually disappointing! 1 1/2 more days and i can add some vegies back into the mix:) if, at 5, you would have told me that someday i would be begging for a bowl of spinach i would have thought you were totally insane! if i don't get some soon i may just go crazy myself!!!!
weigh in is less than 24 hours away and honestly, this is the first time i have actually thought about it. wonder if i will like what i see when i step on the plate? wow-just thinking about it has made me anxious-best not to dwell on it too much or it could have me running in a panic (towards Mickey D's! ) lol
gotta remember to laugh at myself through this.
sat on a bench by the lake today for two hours doing NOTHING. i dont DO nothing-it is a very foreign concept to me. i'm the one that has spent the past few years thinking a 40 hr work week was "part-time"- it was GREAT! sometimes not doing anything is doing every possible thing good for you!

end of day 2

ARGH! I made egg rolls for everyone-what the heck was I thinking? OMG- I wasn't even hungry before that-but after-----
I need to make arrangements with everyone in the house to fix meals and eat on their own-at least for a while until I can get past a certain point.
Getting away from the city for a while sounds like a great idea right now. Spiritual Shannon and I were talking about giving ourselves and some friends a "women only camp week". I think nothing could be better right about now.
Oh no-I just thought of something-a week away with a bunch of friends means lots of wine and or other tasty beverages and late night talks. I wonder if I will be able to drink wine or other worthwhile relaxing drinks by the time we go?!!! Hmm..this may put a wrench in things.
Well I just need to make sure that I am ahead of the curve by the time we go so that I can "relax" a little :)